An Insight of Hindsight
By: Compubomb @ May 14, 2005 @ 4:57 am
I just finished watching this special about the first 10 years of a show on Bravo
called Inside the Actors Studio. On the show, they
spoke with all the actors about their experience, how it has formed their personalities, and
especially how their family experiences and traumas have affected their psyche. Of all the things
that were asked, especially during the end of the special, what caught my attention the most was
when they asked the questions: what is your favorite word, what is your least favorite word, what is
your favorite curse word, what career would you choose other than your current one, what career
would you absolutely refuse to do, and what would you wish god said if he actually existed. My
reaction to those questions had so much depth, that I thought I should put these feelings into
something tangible. Out of many of the words which flipped through my head were the words "love",
"hate", "stupid", "Smart", "Retard", and many more words of polar contrast. The word love which held
a feeling which I have not directly experienced due to the absence of my mother; not so much in the
sense that she was not physically there, but rather that she was not emotionally or intellectually
there to support me. So of all the words that I love the most, it would have to be love. Of the
words that I despise the most would be it's contrasting opposite of hate. I've experienced hatful
deeds more often in my life than most and so it holds the most significance.
What
I find somewhat ironic is as I started to write this, I felt inspired, I had just finished watching
the show which I mentioned previously, and now I've become blank. Think of this as an elaboration of
essence. When I viewed the show, it brought me great emotion, inspirational emotion in that it
brought many images to my mind, yet I've lost the ability to motivate my feelings as tangible
evidence that I felt extremely moved.